To Weed Or Not To Weed?: Crazies To Dig Up Shakespeare's Body, See If He Smoked Herb

I'm digging the parachute shorts/tights combo, bro.

Seen here struttin' that ass at a Renaissance Festival, Shakespeare (personally, I shake a trident) nonchalantly carries his pipe behind a row of porta-potties to get a fix. Aaaaaaand now a group of nutjobs want to dig up and test his body (he's dead?!?!) to, among other things, verify he smoked weed. Yeaaaaaaaaah, how about we don't do any digging and just assume he did? Plus was a warlock that wrote with his penis. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

The team also looks to address a controversial suggestion Thackeray made a decade ago, when he examined a collection of two dozen pipes found in the playwright's garden and determined that Shakespeare was an avid marijuana smoker.

Thackeray claimed the devices were used to smoke cannabis, a plant actively cultivated in Britain at the time. The allegation has provoked disbelief and anger among some fans of the bard.

Prof. Stanley Wells, honorary president of the Shakespeare Birthplace Trust, told the Daily Mail, "I would be happy if they did open it up because it could put an end to a lot of fruitless speculation."

Hoho, sounds like we've got a little "yes he did/no he didn't" battle going on! That's...pretty sad. Who cares -- so we can add him to the 'famous people who smoked weed' list? That's booboo. As a matter of fact, I don't even know why I'm writing this except for the fact I took shots at lunch which seemed like a good idea at the time but in retrospect was a f***ing great one. *swinging beer bong like a lasso* Party time, PARTY TIME!

Did Shakespeare Smoke Weed? Let's Dig Him Up and Find Out [foxnews] (with a bunch more info, including the fact there's a curse on his grave)

Thanks to Ferris, who came up with the title so if you don't like it it's all his fault. If you do like it then it was a collaboration.

Sauna Pants: For Sweating Your Balls Off

Sauna Pants may look like a flotation device but there's not gonna be anything bobbing around in a pool of sweat but your penis. I only bought a pair just because I've always wanted a pair of shorts that have to be plugged in. The temperature is adjustable from 95-160ºF and are supposed to help you lose weight, which makes sense because you're going to end up sweating both balls off. For me that's upwards of 40 pounds. For you? Nano-ounces. "There's no such thing as a nano-ounce." YOU SHUT UP. Allegedly there's no such thing as wizards either but then how does TV work? "Are you seriously asking?" No, I know all about magic. Also: what makes women tick. "Clock parts?" I HAD A HUNCH!

Hot Pants of the Day [geeks.thedailwh.at]

Thanks to Mark, who loses weight the old fashioned way: cutting off limbs.

Homemade Bioshock 2 Big Sister Costume

Nice shorts.

You know what the best part about playing through 'Bioshock 2' was? Being able to escape from my mundane existence for a couple hours a day and pretend I was part of something greater. "Whoa broski -- how about a little warning before opening such a big box of f***ing depressing!" Sorry. I just got 'Mass Effect 2' but I'm afraid to actually start it because I know almost nothing in life is as exciting as the anticipation leading up to it. "DAMMIT -- WTF DID I JUST TELL YOU?!" Sorry. Is anybody else tired? I feel a nap coming on.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the outfit (for sale, $600 -- MEN'S SIZE ONLY) and a link to the seller's Etsy page.

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Mortal Kombat Videos Out The Yin-Yang

Because these things have been pouring in like piss and toilet paper remnants out of a clogged commode, here's four different Mortal Kombat-related videos, in this order:

1. The first installment in series of live-action 'Mortal Kombat: Legacy' shorts.

2. Rejected Mortal Kombat characters (Pac-Man, Link, Toad) and their fatalities.

3. Some sexy Mortal Kombat Mileena cosplay because I'm not gay.

4. Some sexy Mortal Kombat Kitana cosplay to overcompensate because I might be gay.

5. Me watching gay pr0n to settle this once and for all.

Hit the jump for all the videos, except the last one which just got pulled from Youtube for being FAR TOO GOT-DAMN SEXY.

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Guy Loses Leg, Opts For Cyborg Prosthetic

Reddit user captaincripple lost his leg in a motorcycle accident and has since had a custom-painted prosthetic made. This is it. It looks half-human, half-robotic, 100% something that would freak me out if I saw fall off.

Im 20 years old and a bit over 12 months ago had a motorbike accident. I love my prosthetic! I'm back working doing a carpentry apprenticeship which is awesome! Not going to lie, not having a leg is the best conversation starter with the ladies, with my favourite line being "Ill give you 3 guesses as to why I have a limp, if you get it wrong you can buy me a drink and let me flirt with you for a while"

Okay that whole 'you have to let me flirt with you' thing making me all kinds of sad inside aside, I've got two things worth mentioning, both of which lead to the same thing. 1. your name is captaincripple and 2. you're doing a carpentry apprenticeship. A captain AND a carpenter? HOW THE F*** DID YOU NOT OPT FOR A PEGLEG?!?! This is really gonna bother me for a long time.

Hit the jump for two more shots from different angles, all of which show a pair of gym shorts that need to be retired.

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Bench Press: Cheap And Sessy Advertising

Using word blocks to press things into people's skin so they walk around as free advertising: good idea. Using red-hot metal to press things into people's skin so they walk around as free advertising: better idea.

The ad agency DDB Auckland altered benches to press an advertisement for Superette, a clothing chain in New Zealand, into the bare legs of people who sit on them. They read "Short shorts on sale Superette".

Pretty clever, right? It is. Of course, it only works on women (and men) already wearing short shorts (or less), so you can forget about all the ladies in mom jeans doing your advertising for you. "BUT I LOVE WOMEN IN MOM JEANS!" Dude you'd love a woman in a parka and ski mask, stop acting so desperate.

Bench Presses Advertisement into Bare Thighs [neatorama]
via
How to Piss People Off In One Easy Step [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jody, who found out the hard (read: purse to the head) way that "I was trying to read the advertisement!" is a poor excuse for trying to stick your face two-inches from a woman's ass. Trust me, "I was trying to smell a fart" doesn't work either.

Video Game Fan-Film Mania!: Impressive Half-Life And Fallout Shorts

Okay, so the Black Mesa short is a little higher in production value.

Because independent filmmakers want to send a message to the big studios THAT IT SHOULDN'T TAKE $80 MILLION TO MAKE A SHITTY ROM-COM THAT'LL BLOW REGARDLESS, two different groups took it upon themselves to make these impressive video game inspired shorts. Which, fine -- that wasn't really their reason for making them. I suspect it was just a little thing called passion. You know, like when you're tongue-kissing a girl real deep and squeezin' on her jubblies. Mmmmm, just like that. Anyway, the 12:00 'Beyond Black Mesa' short:

Inspired by the Half-Life Video Game series, this is an action packed short film centering around Adrian Shephard and a band of resistance fighters struggling to get out a warning about the impending invasion.

And the 16:00 'Fallout: Nuka Break':

Join Twig (Zack Finfrock), a former Vault 10 Dweller, as he searches the barren wasteland of eastern California for ice-cold Nuka Cola. Along for the ride is Ben (Aaron Giles), a radiation-ravaged ghoul, and Scarlett (Tybee Diskin), a sexy former slave. Together, the three attempt to survive both the harsh wastes and a relentless group of bounty hunters while trying to find the coveted beverage -- Nuka Cola.

Hit the jump and watch both to spend just under a half-hour sticking it to the man at work. Just make sure to lock your office door and moan real loud like you're masturbating so your boss doesn't think you're watching Youtube videos on the clock. Responsibility.

Hit the jump, do it now.

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Gryphon Glider Is Wicked Freaking Sweet

We've seen several different gliding apparatus here on Geekologie, and we've even posted the Gryphon before. So why again? Because many of you probably haven't seen it. Plus it's been updated yo. Now the stealthy looking bastard is down to 30 pounds, can carry 100 extra in a built in compartment (pic after jump), and the best part -- can now be fully weaponized. Two words: missiles and lasers and bombs. Is this making you as hot as it is me?

The Gryphon attack glider, designed to penetrate combat zones at 135 miles per hour, could revolutionize the art of parachuting. Its helmet has a heads-up display and provides on-board oxygen for the jump. To land, a soldier separates the wing from his pack and releases his parachute to slow his descent. The wing remains attached to the soldier by a cord and lands before him.

The wing is currently steered manually via rotary controls connected to the rudder, but SPELCO, the company behind it, hopes to add an electronic system to make it much easier to steer. If successful, they'll be dropping a commercial version! Man oh man I can hardly wait. Sure it's no jetpack, but if my shorts are any indication, that hasn't stopped me from riding the 4-Inch Express to Bonertown. *toot toot* All aboard!

Several more pictures of the pack and a link to a video, after the jump.

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It's About Time: Massage Pants Are Here!

These are massage pants from the Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Company. What do they do for you? Well I'll tell you, by copy/pasting the product features.

Product Features: * Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation * Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable *A variety of massage * Automatic mode * Automatic regularly work 20 minutes * High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security

You know, looking at them I could tell they had a scientific and rational allocation of vibration massage. And that makes me really want some. Just a heads up though, I don't think these are technically pants. Because pants are usually longer. These look more like shorts. Shorts that are missing some fabric in the front. You know, so your balls hang out. Wow, these are even awesomer than I first thought. Unfortunately there's a 500 pair minimum order. Anybody want to go halvsies?

Product Page

Thanks to Zachary, who doesn't need massage pants because he's got a harem that does his massaging for him, for the tip

Duplicate CD/DVDs Without A Computer

The DVD Coach is a stand-alone CD/DVD duplicator that needs no computer in order to function. It burns at 8x for DVDs and 16x for CDs (half that for RW). Not bad for the budding little DVD pirate. It has Lightscribe functionality, but must be connected to a PC for the graphics work. The only catch is the price, which is between $340 and $460. Which isn't even the worst thing I've ever heard. No, the worst thing I've ever heard is the name of the product -- DVD Coach. I hate coaches, too many bad memories. Particularly of 'ol Shortshorts McGrabass, my high school basketball coach. Whenever he wasn't trying to grab your ass he was trying to get the whole team to shower together. "Damn you smell like a bunch of rotten turds, now get in the shower -- and none of that soap-on-a-rope bullshit, you'll all use regular bars like real men." Then he'd strip down and get in the shower with us. And that, my friends, is when I learned to shove a shampoo bottle up my rear for protection.

DVD Coach Single-Target Portable DVD Duplicator [ohgizmo]